What do you do when you have to go No. 2 in school?

Some hold it in, but sometimes it just can’t wait

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Ryan Hutjens, Reporter

There you are, sitting in class. Then, that feeling comes along; you start sweating profusely, your face is turning red, and you know something is going on in tummy town. 

You know what’s coming – the floodgates are about to open and it won’t be great. You’re holding back the tornado that’s about to come through your back door. As you sit there in class, a wide variety of thoughts flood your mind: What did I do to deserve this? Why did I eat that greasy school lunch burrito? Did I anger the gods?!? What did I do to deserve this?!?!?!?

Nobody wants to willingly crap their brains out in the school bathroom. So much can go so wrong. You might come rolling up into the bathroom to find you’re not alone – but you WANT to be alone. 

The janitors at the school do a fantastic job. Students are seldom out of fresh supplies in the bathroom such as toilet paper and paper towels. The bathrooms are clean and cleaned daily, and thankfully it doesn’t smell until someone unleashes the beast.

Quick interviews with some students have brought up many good points; they say things along the lines of their personal experiences, rumors and their standards. 

Here’s what the students and former students have to say about this issue:

”No I prefer to wait until I go to work so I can get paid to s***,” said junior Logan Otto. 

Said sophomore Luke Wesolowiski: “Only boys poop in the school bathroom, a real man values a dump at home.” 

Parker Hogan, a sophomore, said he will not dump at school. 

“No,” he said. “It’s disgusting. I will never be one of them.”

Ed Passel, a senior, said that he will go at school. 

“I always go to the stalls in the corner if they aren’t blown up,” Passel said. “There was s*** all over the floor one time. Like all over.”

Added senior Gavin Brault: “No. It’s just odd. No bad experiences, just never did it because it’s pretty weird.”

Nicholas Manny, a senior, said that sometimes it’s inevitable. 

“When you gotta go, you gotta go,” he said. “It’s a seat I like sitting. Actually I don’t like it OK, but when you gotta go you gotta go. I ain’t holding that s** till I go home.”

Said sophomore Gus Schwiesow: “It’s awkward, especially at lunch. There are too many people.”

A very brief Google search of “Do students poop at school?” brought up many interesting links, including a Youtube video of how feces on a wall led to one high school’s bathroom policy, Reddit, and a children’s health website for concerned parents.

A deeper dive into the internet brings up a student protest in Australia. A student was so fed up with her school’s teachers and education that she started defecating around the school. 

Recommended related searches bring up “How to poop at school quietly”, so obviously people are self conscious of this issue. 

Most DPHS students do not poop in the bathroom. Or, they claim they don’t. With the introduction of SmartPass, students can now see which bathroom has heavy traffic, and what is unoccupied, and make a decision from there.

 Plan wisely. Attack precisely.  Get in, get out, and never get noticed.